Screaming Infidelities
by Sound Bytes
Summary: Songfics about Ron and Hermione's rather nasty breakup, and how they realize just what they're missing. Ch2 and 3 Up: Ron has just come to grips with Hermione's absence, before finding something out that makes everything worse
1. Screaming Infidelities

AN: This will be a series of angsty, yet fluffy songfics revolving around the world of Ron and Hermione, as well as bits and pieces of Harry and Ginny. Enjoy. 

Screaming Infidelities

"Ron, there just is no 'us' anymore, don't you get it?" Hermione yelled at me. I couldn't stand to have her mad at me, I really couldn't. Of course, I didn't really help situations by yelling back. 

"No, Hermione," I spat back at her, "There never was an 'us', and there never will be. This was all one stupid mistake." I thought that she looked hurt for a second, but then I remembered that she's as tough as nails. Hermione doesn't get hurt easily. 

"Well, as long as we agree," she said then, in a low voice. _"Fine."_

**_"Fine."_**

She stomped off, then, leaving me to wonder about things. Served her right, if you ask me. She was the one who started it. All since this stupid Christmas Ball was announced. I mean, we were in sixth year, don't you think we were a little old for balls? Well, Hermione just assumed that we'd be going together. Of course, I couldn't really blame her for that. I had given her that impression with the little, inconsequential, on-and-off fling, if you could even call it that, that we'd been having for a year or two. 

Things were never over with Hermione, though. She would always be there to take me back after I messed up, and I really liked making up with her…especially in broom closets (much against her will, by the way. _Ron, if anyone finds out, we'll be expelled…oh, we really shouldn't…) _

Of course, Hermione and I may have not had the world's best relationship. All in all, it was probably the world's most dysfunctional relationship, but neither of us minded. Well, I didn't mind. I'm sure that she did at some time. Having someone to randomly snog was the fun of it all, I think. But then there were times when we would just sit in the Astronomy tower and talk until all hours of the morning. We would walk around the lake. We would …do stuff that a normal boyfriend and girlfriend did. So maybe Hermione was right in assuming that we'd be going together, and I just happened to overreact. I never overreact, though; it's so very out of character for me. 

_But what does it matter? _I thought. _It's only Hermione._ I walked up to the boys' dormitory, still thinking about how I would smile at Hermione in that innocent way that always made her laugh, and convince her to go to the Christmas Ball with me, and to be my girlfriend again. 

I lay down on my bed, smiling about my plan for tomorrow, when Harry walked in. 

"What are you so happy about? You and Hermione just broke up again," he said. 

"Harry, we break up all the time. And we always get back together," I said, confidently. 

Harry looked at me skeptically this time. "She looked pretty upset, though," he said, plopping onto his own bed.

I shrugged. "It'll be fine.

* 

I woke up the next morning, ready to make things right with Hermione, as usual. Just a good morning kiss, an apologetic smile, and bang! Everything's back to normal. I got dressed, and walked down to the Great Hall. Harry had already left, hoping to ask Cho to the Christmas Ball with him (He had sworn off girls for a while after he and Parvati suffered a rather nasty breakup. I told him it wouldn't last). 

There was a space between him and Hermione, which was my usual seat. Hermione saw me coming, and moved over to where Ginny was sitting. _What was that about?_ I went over, and knelt in front of her chair in a very playful way; something that I hoped that she would find funny. 

"Dearest Hermione, wilt thou forgivest me and do me the honour of accompanying me to thy ball?" I said.

She looked at me, deep and hard, and it looked as if she had tears in her eyes for just a second before she said, "No." 

"N-no?" I asked her. 

"No, Ron," she repeated, fumbling around in her rucksack. "Here," she said, handing me a rumpled piece of parchment before walking out of the Great Hall.

_Dear Ron, _

_I'm not really sure how to do this. The truth is, I don't want to break up with you. But Ron, it really is over. I'm sorry. _

_I'm tired of being passed over Ron. I'm tired of you taking me for granted. I told you, whenever we used to fight, that one of these days, you were going to wake up and I wouldn't be there. Well, Ron, I'm not here anymore. I'll not have you take me for granted anymore. _

_It's over Ron. For good._

_Love you always and forever,_

_Hermione_

I shook my head at the letter. No. There was no way that Hermione was…leaving me for good. I wouldn't believe it. Then, all these emotions came flooding in. I did take her for granted. She was so much more than what I treated her; she was wonderful. I didn't ever tell her that did I? This was my entire fault. All she wanted to do was go to the ball, why did I have to make such a big deal out of it? 

I felt sick. 

I went back up to the dormitory, refusing to go to classes that day. I slept, all day. When I woke up, Gryffindor house seemed to be done its' school day. I walked downstairs, to talk to Hermione. My eyes were all red and bloodshot, from sleep, and I'll admit it, crying. I had cried over Hermione, yes. It seemed as if the one stable thing in my life (all right, maybe not so stable) had just left me. The one thing that truly made me feel not so…Weasley-ish. 

I walked around the full common room, expecting to see Hermione at her usual table. But she wasn't there. She was sitting on a couch with Lee Jordan, talking about…something. Then I noticed that she was laughing, and his hand was on her knee. 

Not cool.

But she didn't seem to mind, did she? No, she was twirling his hair in her fingers, smiling and laughed. The Hermione that I knew never did that. This would not be good.

"Get your ruddy hands off of her," I said to Lee. Hermione looked at me, appalled. 

"What are you doing, Ron?" she hissed.

"Saving you," I replied.

"Ron, I'm not yours to save."

I couldn't take it, then. I went back up to my room, fuming mad. I climbed into bed, trying to go back to sleep when it struck me. She was trying to make me jealous. It was definitely working. 

I tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep.

_I'm missing your bed_

_I never sleep_

_Avoiding the spots_

_Where we'd have to speak_

_And this bottled-up beast_

_Is taking me home._

_I'm cuddling close_

_To blankets and sheets_

_But you're not alone_

_And you're not discreet_

_You make sure I know _

_Who's taking you home._

_I'm reading your note _

_Over again_

_And there's not a word_

_That I comprehend,_

_Except when you signed it_

_'I will love you always and forever'_

The next day was torture. I couldn't be around Hermione without having the worst feelings of jealousy, love, and longing. Longing most of all, I think, for so many things that I never realized were there. Like the way that she would twirl this one piece of hair in her fingers when she was nervous, or purse her lips when she was concentrating really hard. I miss the way that she would laugh at my corny jokes. 

It was so hard not talking to her. Harry wasn't much of a consolation; he was with Cho almost every waking moment now. Hermione was kind of an unspoken issue between the two of us, anyway. He didn't like the image of his two best friends together. He was just beginning to get used to it, too. 

_I wonder how Hermione is…you know with the breakup thing, _I thought. _Surely, if she's taking it like I am, she's got to realize that being in love is much better than hating. But of course, she's realized that. She's practically dating Lee now. I just wish I had a girlfriend. I just wish that girlfriend was you. _

_Well, as for now, I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,_

_And sit alone and wonder_

_How you're making out._

_And as for me, I wish that I was anywhere,_

_With anyone,_

_Making out. _

_I'm missing your laugh_

_How did it break?_

_And when did your eyes _

_Begin to look fake?_

_I hope you're as happy as you're pretending._

I really couldn't stand it anymore. I went back up to bed, skipping classes this day as well. I just couldn't look at her. She was so…beautiful. I can't believe that I just let her go. She was perfect, and I didn't recognize it.

_I'm cuddling close_

_To blankets and sheets._

_I am alone_

_In my defeat._

_I wish I knew you were safely at home._

_I'm missing your bed._

_I never sleep,_

_Avoiding the spots _

_Where we'd have to speak_

_And this bottled-up beast is taking me home._

I missed her eyes. They were a deep chocolate brown, flecked with honey and gold inside. Her smile was beautiful, too. I loved how light-hearted it was, even with all the stress of the world on her shoulders. I loved how she would crinkle her nose when she was really starting to get annoyed with me, a little signal telling me to shut up. I miss the way she would swat me on the arm, thinking that it would hurt me, when really it didn't. I missed the way I would have to pretend it hurt. I missed the way her hand fit perfectly in mine. I missed her remarkable intelligence (although there was no way I would ever tell her _that)_. 

_Well as for now,_

_I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,_

_And sit alone and wonder_

_How you're making out._

_And as for me, _

_I wish that I was anywhere,_

_With anyone,_

_Making out._

I missed her poufy hair, believe it or not. I missed the way it would always spill over her shoulders, when she was thinking. I miss the way I could run my hands through it while I was kissing her. I miss the way I could get lost in it.

_Your hair is everywhere,_

_Screaming infidelities,_

_And taking its' wear._

I wondered if I would ever have a second chance at love- a second chance at the love that I missed. 


	2. The Best Deceptions

The Best Deceptions

The next few weeks for me were tough. Especially leading up to the Yule Ball. I had asked Padma Patil to go with me, and she seemed much more inclined. She had never liked Hermione, and it seemed like a perfect chance for her to slight her. Don't ask me why girls do that. 

Two days before the Yule Ball, I was on my way up to my dormitory, when I saw two girls sitting in the Common Room. It was Hermione and Ginny. 

"I hate this, Gin," Hermione said. I wished that I could just make everything right between us when I heard the sadness that was in her voice. But things wouldn't be. They couldn't ever be.

"What do you hate, Hermione? You were the one who agreed to go along with this plan. Trust me, when my brother realizes what he's missing, he'll be dying to come back to you. You know that jealousy is his weakness," Ginny said. This was my sister, my own flesh and blood, and she was trying to break me. 

But Hermione wouldn't do that to me. She would never betray me like that. 

"I'm telling him the truth," Hermione said, standing up. Ginny yanked her arm and pulled her back down. 

"You can't, Hermione! Wait until after the Yule Ball. Besides, you can't do that to Lee! He thinks that you're going with him! He'll know that you were only using him to get Ron back." 

"Newsflash, Ginny. I _was_ only using him to get Ron back and it was a stupid, stupid idea. I wish I'd never listened to you. Things were fine with Ron; I never should have given him that note." 

"But Hermione," Ginny tried to reason. I knew that voice. "You said that he never appreciated you, and he took you for granted! You can't go back to that." 

"No, _you_ said that. Ron may have a tough exterior, but he loved me, Ginny. I knew that. He doesn't have to say things; that's not his way. I'm going to explain everything to him right now. I'm going to tell him that it was all a stupid plan and that I can't go with him to the Yule Ball, but I still love him. Don't interfere again, Gin," Hermione said. I opened and shut the portrait of the Fat Lady again and walked up past them to the boys' dormitory. 

"Ron," Hermione said, following me up to the dormitory and shutting the door behind her. "We have to talk."

"So, talk," I said, sitting down on the bed. 

"I…I'm so sorry, Ron. I messed up, and I…I want us to…to…"

_I heard about your trip._

_I heard about your souvenirs._

_I heard about the cool breeze, and the cool nights, and the cool guys_

_That you spent them with._

_I guess I should have heard of them from you._

_I guess I should have heard of them from you._

"You want to tell me that you still love me and you were only going out with Lee to make me jealous? You want to tell me that you broke my heart just to win me back? Do you think that you can lead me around like a dog, Hermione? Answer me, do you? Look, I know all about it. I missed you for a long time, you know. I missed you bad; I wanted you back. Now, I'm not so sure. I can't believe that you would do this to me."

She sat there, completely dumbstruck. The look in her chocolate brown eyes just made me want to hug her and kiss her all over, but I knew that that wouldn't be happening. She was mouthing like a fish out of water, and it was one of the only times that I'd ever seen Hermione speechless. 

_Don't you see? _

_Don't you see that this charade is over?_

_All the best deception and the clever cover story awards_

_Go to you._

"Tell me right now, Hermione," I said, taking a step to her and cupping her face in my hands. "Do you love me and will you love me forever?"

Her tears dripped onto my hands. "Yes," she whispered. 

"Then give me some time to cool off. I just…don't trust you anymore. I can't trust you." I leaned down and kissed her then. It was the most passionate kiss that I had ever given her. Fireworks were coursing from her mouth to mine, our tongues were intertwined in a passionate dance, and I came out of it gasping for air.

"Love me, now and forever. Maybe by forever, I'll be able to trust you." 

_So kiss me hard_

_'Cause this will be the last time that I let you._

_You will be back someday_

_And this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips_

_Will be of service_

_For keeping you away._

The next day, I woke with a massive headache. Hermione took a long time to get over, and when I walked down to the Great Hall, the familiar flood of remorse and other emotions that I couldn't place overcame me. I refused to look at her, I refused to talk to her, and I refused to acknowledge that she was even speaking to me. I figured that I should let her be sorry so that she could get a taste of the hell that she'd put me through. If our relationship really meant something to her, she wouldn't let it go easily. 

"Ron," Harry said, nudging me with his elbow, "I talked to Hermione last night."

"Who?" 

"Hermione," Harry said, exasperatedly. "She was really upset, Ron. She's sorry, and wishes that none of it had ever happened….and she…she wants things back to normal."

"Well, it did," I told him. "And there's no taking it back." 

_I heard about your regrets._

_I heard that you were feeling sorry._

_I heard from someone that you wish you could_

_Set things right between us._

_Well, I guess I should have heard of that from you._

_I guess I should have heard of that from you._

I listened to Harry talk about my girlfriend…_my _girlfriend. This couldn't have been happening. The Hermione that I knew would have come to me herself. It never crossed my mind that I was inapproachable right now. I looked over at her from across the table, and instantly felt myself soften towards her. She was beautiful; absolutely lovely. She was having a bad day, I could tell, for I had seen those symptoms in me just a few days ago. I wanted to kiss away the tears that were falling down her face, but I couldn't. It was funny to me that just a few days ago, she was acting like she had never trampled my heart on the floor. 

_Don't you see? _

_Don't you see that this charade is over?_

_All the best deception and the clever cover story awards_

_Go to you._

Just thinking of what she had done to me brought on a fresh new wave of anger. I clenched my fists, feeling the blood flow from them, my knuckles turn white, and my hands shaking from the force that I was exerting on my fingers. 

_I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers._

_I'll be all right when my hands get warm._

_Ignoring the phone,_

_I'd rather say nothing._

_I'd rather you never heard my voice. _

"Harry!" I told him, mid-spiel. "It's too late. The damage has already been done, and she has to realize that." I said all of this loud enough so that everyone at the table could hear me.

"Ron," she said, "I've told you I'm sorry, all right? How many times to I have to say it?"

"Until I believe you." 

_You're calling too late,_

_Too late to be gracious._

_You do not warrant long goodbyes._

_You're calling too late._

Author's Note: Yes, this has taken me a long time to post. But I'm finished half of the story now. The next two parts are in Hermione's POV, and then the two after that are a collaboration of the two. Not all of the songs are going to be Dashboard songs, either. Review!

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Co. belong to JK Rowling, not me. "The Best Deceptions" belongs to Dashboard Confessional. 


	3. The Last Words You Said

The Last Words You Said

Ron's words stung like a wasp. He looked at me, cool blue eyes piercing through mine before turning and leaving. There was no way that I could tell him how sorry I was, I just couldn't. I never should have listened to Ginny. She didn't know Ron like I did. There was no way that she held any weight in the world of relationship advice, for she was completely inexperienced. 

I closed my eyes, feeling hot tears coarse down my cheeks. I never thought that losing Ron would be a big deal. It was an on and off little fling, and I thought that Ginny's plan would be all right to see if we were really meant to be together. Now that I had found out that we were, I didn't have him. 

It wasn't a matter of ownership, or winning, as things tended to be for me. It was a matter of my heart, not my brain. Matters of the heart were not my area of expertise, but now that I was following my heart, I was completely lost. I was lost without Ron; there was no other way to put it.

He was my constant, or so it seemed. He would tell me not to overwork myself; he kept me laughing when I needed it. He let me vent my anger out on him. One look at the goofy grin on his face would send me collapsing into a fit of laughter myself, and immediately melt with joy I that would radiate from it. 

I knew that he loved me too. His kiss told me as much, and I knew that someday, he would realize that he needed me. Until then, though, there was no way that I was going to give up on him. He needed to trust me again; I would regain his trust. I would be patient until he was ready to take me back, rather, to come back to me. I was waiting for him, with open arms. 

Somewhere in time, I know 

_Darling, you'll come back to me._

_Roses will bloom again,_

_But spring feels like eternity._

_In your kiss, it wasn't goodbye._

_You are still the reason why…_

I crawled into bed that night, willing to let my tears flow from the breaking of my heart. I wondered if this was how Ron felt; I wondered if he meant what he said about his heart being broken as well. I prayed that it wasn't.

I drifted off into sleep, accompanied only by my tears. The only thing that I saw when I closed my eyes was Ron's face, the way he would whisper to me, and the way he would touch me. I couldn't get his voice out of my head. It was that voice that I loved, soft, soothing, tender, gentle and loving. I must have been crying in my sleep, knowing that it would be a long time before I would hear his rich voice again. I melted every time that I heard it, be it in my dreams, or in reality. My defences were down, typically, and I felt like a puddle of soup on the floor. I ached for him to speak to me like that again. I wished that he would somehow, some way, come back to me. 

_I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room._

_My heart still surrenders,_

_Like the sun to the moon._

_I can barely stand this aching burning endlessly._

_'Love me now, forever' _

_Were the last words you said to me. _

I awoke the next morning, feeling as though my head had been run over by a bulldozer. Everything around me was in a daze, but the one thing that I could see clearly in my mind's eye was Ron, lying next to me and stroking rogue curls out of my face, whispering softly to me and nuzzling me with his head. He had that same lopsided grin on his face, although it wasn't the same as his typical goofy one. I wished with all of my heart that he was really there, and saying speaking to me in that gorgeous voice again. I wondered if he ever would again. 

I wanted to curl up close to him, and fall asleep in his arms, but I couldn't. I wished that he would hold me, but he wouldn't. I wished that he would whisper soft nothings in my ear, but he wouldn't. There was nothing that I could do about it. He would be cordial to me, I was sure, and act like nothing had happened. I wondered if I would be able to get through the day; just the sight of him and being near him was intoxicating. 

_And when the morning comes,_

_My hands still reach out for you._

_Some things remain the same._

_There is nothing I can do._

_I can barely get through the day,_

_Ever since you went away. _

_I can hear you whispering in the silence of my room._

_My heart still surrenders,_

_Like the sun to the moon._

_I can barely stand this aching burning endlessly._

_'Love me now, forever' _

_Were the last words you to me…_

I wished that Ron would come to his sense. I missed his light-hearted banter. He barely said a word to me any longer. I couldn't stand it. 

My breath caught in my throat. It was common knowledge that Ron was going to the Christmas Ball with Padma Patil. It was also common knowledge that last night, before I crawled into bed, Lee broke things off with me once hearing about what I had done. People that I didn't even know hated me, but the only thing that mattered was that Ron hated me. He couldn't see that I was truly, deeply and profusely sorry. He couldn't see how much I missed him, and he couldn't see how this was killing me. He couldn't get along without me, I knew that for a fact. He would have to come back one of these days, because if this aching inside of him was as horrible as mine, he would have to realize that we're meant to be together. 

Heaven help us cross this endless sea 

_With starlight above to guide you to me._

_Waves crashing on the distant shore._

_They're calling our names forevermore…_

_And I still hear you whispering in the silence of my room._

_My heart still surrenders,_

_Like the sun to the moon._

_I can barely stand this aching burning endlessly._

_'Love me now, forever' _

_Were the last words you to me…_

Author's Note: I didn't like this chapter very much, but I thought that it would give a little insight into Hermione's feelings. She's in denial…poor dear. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, it's JK Rowling's. Also, Sarah Brightman (yes, from the _Phantom of the Opera_) sings "The Last Words You Said". 


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